It's often rough going for the mid-20s professional in our nation's capitol, usually because he doesn't make much money, isn't very connected, and lacks sufficient influence to do things for people.  The female reaction to this situation is varied, but ongoing observation has led me to conclude that some women in DC (often southerners) go through three phases that correspond to men's life situations. So, men's lives revolve around three factors-- money, connections, and influence. Similarly, women can go through three phases during their years in DC: phase 1, ages 22-25/26; phase 2, ages 25-30; and phase 3, ages 30-35.

(Disclaimer: much of my experience has been with southern women, but I appreciate all women.)

As most people know, one way to never get rich is to work in government your whole life. Starting at the bottom of the food chain of authority also lands you at the bottom of the pay scale. That is all good and well for a few months, maybe even for a few years. But it starts to become inconvenient when you discover all the activities that exist in DC that cost more than you make in a couple days: Gold Cup, Courage Cup, Taste of the South, Inaugural Parties, weekend trips, even some campaign outings. Not because you can't afford many of these things is money the problem; you can. It's depressing because the older men, 27-34, can often afford more of them and can afford to take the very girl(s) you might wish to take. But more often than not, these older men win the day not because of money--they often get tickets and invites for free-- but because of my second topic, access.

Older dudes in DC have access to parties, happy hours, events, outings, and social networks us young turks do not. What does this mean practically? That they can invite girls my age (and they often do) to events beyond my reach. The older guys have been here longer, know more people, have invested more political, social, and financial capital in this region, and should be better connected than me; and they are. But this leads women my age to often seek out the older men for this very reason.

The last reason the young masters of the universe in DC find themselves lonely when the ladies their age are off seeking a benefactor is influence. Older men have the ability to hire girls my age, connect them with those who can, put them in a position to benefit socially and financially. I am in no position to make anything happen for a girl my own age, unless she wants to intern in my office. But she doesn't want to intern in my office. She wants to attend the Gold and Courage Cup tourneys for free, get free tickets to the Kennedy Center, Capitol Club events, receive invites to weekend outings on boats, planes, and vacation houses.

This brings me to my three classifications of DC females. There are three stages of female DC development: the new-to-town-I-Just-wanna-have-fun phase, the I-want-a-guy,preferably-who-can-do things-for-me-phase, and the I've-been-there-done-that-just-want-a-normal-dude phase.

Girls in the first phase are usually 22-26. Fresh out of college, in their first job, they just want to meet tons of new people, have tons of fun, not get tied down by dating seriously. So, they'll hang with guys their age, but usually they won't get too committed because that limits their options. Once they approach the mid-to-late 20s ages, they morph into phase 2.

Phase two, occuring between years 25-30, involves finding a guy who they could date, but who is connected enough to make the dating process worthwhile. They aren't necessarily looking for marriage or serious companionship, but they are sick of flying solo, paying their own way for events, and having to cab home with their girlfriends. They'd rather get free invites to events above their pay grade, be chauffered around by an older dude in a nice car in nice clothes who smells nice, even if he is a few pounds north of his appropriate weight.

This is great for the females, but can be troubling for the men their age, like me. We're often left with the leftovers in our age group, or forced to look down the food-chain to the just-arrived staff assistants, or even worse, the interns. (I haven't seen many staffers dating interns, but you better believe there's some serious discussion that goes on.) But phase two also makes the mid-20s male sometimes wonder why he tries with the mid-20s female. This distancing of the sexes in the mid-20s comes back to haunt the females more than the males, though, so the scales of justice to balance out eventually...for the males.  

Phase three is often the "correctional" phase in DC relational existence. It's the hangover period for some women, when they've gotten "it" out of their system, are sick of flying by the seat of their pants to every social outing, and just want to find some peace and quiet and maybe a nice, normal guy if they can; but they're not dependent upon finding him for their happiness.  During this phase, 30-35 in age, women are generally easy to talk to, easy going, more honest about who they are and what they want to do, and are much more honest about the rest of the DC establishment. They've been to all the parties, happy hours, social events, and weekend spots, so they're not easily swayed by offers to the aforementioned locales. They've dated on and off, maybe seriously, maybe not, so they're not going to fall for the first, second, or third guy to express interest; whereas the newer to DC girl may be more inclined to fall for older DC guy who promises the world and actually delivers Dewey beach for a weekend.

It's helpful for the younger man in DC to meet and become acquainted with the DC woman in Phase 3, because it provides a great window into the female DC worldview, and it provides hope, perspective, and balance to the younger DC female population's actions.

Now, I know women in all three phases, and most are genuine, kind, and relatively stable. But from the guy's perspective, perhaps the most effective relational posture is to wait out the new-to-DC type, go after the early entrants into Phase 2, and learn as much as possible from the females thoroughly and comfortably ensconced in Phase 3.

For a man in his mid- to late-20s, hanging out with single, older men is usually depressing, so that is not recommended.

Agree? Disagree?.